The Berkeley Hate Man: Episode 100

This week we look at unusual philosopher and street person, the Berkeley Hate Man.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.patreon.com/robotpizzavan

Murderbots, a Flat Earth Sea Cruise, and the Rotary Phone Challenge: Episode 99

Doctors save a guy by giving him 15 beers, a robot hotel lays off half the robots, a new startup charges $8,000 to fill your veins with young blood, a flat Earth convention on a sea cruise, teenagers are challenged to dial a number on a rotary phone, man attends stranger’s bachelor party, offensive restaurant sign approved, egg photo breaks Instagram record, man rents separate apartment for cats, asymmetric jeans, and Nike Air Max 1 G “Grass” shoes are covered with astroturf.

Driving a Hot Dog Car, and Other Weird News Stories: Episode 98

I read the whole internet and I find all the weird news stories. This week I have Analytic Psychologist, Dr. Jon Platania as a guest. We talk about a sheriff that uses cardboard cutout deputies, officials that say taking chicken nuggets left on the highway is a crime, controversy surrounding the oldest person that’s ever lived, snow in southwest china that is rare so people are selling it on the roadside to tourists, where you can buy snow online right now, a cat from Michigan that ended up in Florida but no one knows how, a job you can get at Oscar Meyer driving the hotdog mobile across the USA, and Taco Bell has a billboard in Toronto that dispenses free nacho cheese this month.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.patreon.com/robotpizzavan

Woman Bites Jogger, Restaurant’s Offensive Name, Christmas Weed, and More Weird News: Episode 97

The universe might be an expanding bubble in an extra dimension, man accused of guitar thefts has one thing to say, armed standoff ends after someone sings Christmas carol, homeless men allegedly broke into home and cooked dinner, an astronaut accidentally called 911 from space, artistic daredevil paints while skydiving, Christmas weed, woman bites jogger, and baby is named after highway where she was born.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.patreon.com/robotpizzavan

Muppets Swear: Episode 96

We listen to an audio clip of a muppet that sounds like it’s swearing. It can also sound like its saying something else. Weird. I also call almost every guest that has ever been on the show. Then we count down the new year, so make sure to play this recording at the exact time so it lines up with your new year’s countdown! You could just play it over and over to make sure.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

The 5 Most Dangerous Songs, and Other Weird Stuff: Episode 94

or iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

Thousands of dollars fall from the sky, Old Milk perfume, I am Trash perfume. dying farmer’s last will goes down in history, skilled thieves wanted for employment, company will pay you to give up your smart phone, 5 Most Dangerous Songs To Drive To (And The 5 Safest), police give $3 to person who found it 14 years ago, chocolate spill covers road, robot turns out to be a man in a suit, man Arrested in after telling kids Santa isn’t real, other man yells ‘there’s no Santa’ at holiday event, teacher who spoiled Santa will not return to school, and Ford gets rid of new car smell.

Why Do These Seals Have Eels Up Their Noses?: Episode 93

This week On Robot Pizza Van (a weird news podcast), we talk about… Pantone’s 2019 color of the year, crematorium next door to retirement home, ping pong highlights, Major League Eating wants to eat that giant cow, police use Tesla autopilot to stop car, dog blocks soccer goal, court says man can’t be 20 years younger, robot releases bear repellent, seals with eels stuck in their noses, and a singing donkey.

Music by Uncle Milk

Weird Christmas Gifts, Public Shaming, and ATM Errors: Episode 92

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This week Offroad is with Magician and Intuitionist, Courtney Kolb, and we’re talking about weird Christmas gifts, a traffic camera that mistakes an ad for a person and charges her with jaywalking, a burger joint closes after video shows rat cooking, a man dropped the engagement ring down a drain, a hang glider clings on for his life, an ATM accidentally spit out $100 bills, and what makes some words funny?

Music by Uncle Milk
Support the show at https://www.patreon.com/Robotpizzavan

The Missing Head,Tiny Hamster Ladder, Singing Ice, and Flying Motorcycles: Episode 91

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A teen’s driver’s license revoked 1 hour after he got it, some ice is ‘singing’, Walter Raleigh’s missing head and the new clue, hundreds form human chain to move a bookstore, flying motorcycles, ski down the roof of this hotel, traffic camera catches 58,000 speeders in two weeks, leaning Tower of Pisa loses some of its lean, and a tiny ladder used to rescue hamster

 

A T-Shirt or a T-Rex: Episode 90

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We have a guest named ‘Join The Club’ and this week’s weird news… firefighters mistake a parrot for a fire alarm, a new record for eating kernels of corn with a toothpick, a drone steals someone’s bike, pedestrians try to cross vehicles-only bridge in a bus costume, Greggs has installed one of its signs backwards on purpose, and a couple cats try to enter a museum for two years.

Music by Uncle Milk
https://www.patreon.com/Robotpizzavan

It’s Like Fingernail Polish, But For Your Teeth: Episode 89

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Hard-hitting, fair and balanced, the most trusted… the weirdest news. This week we talk about how a certain optical illusion could mess up your vision if you look at it too long, the only man buried on the moon, an experiment with sound to make cheese tastier, a self-balancing walking stick that stands on it’s own, a font that helps you remember what you read, a website(who paid 99 cents) that charges 99 cents to see who else has paid 99 cents, a restaurant that lets you pay according to your Instagram followers, a guy who climbs a mountain and finds a domestic cat at the top, and a product that’s like finger nail polish but for your teeth… and more!

Purple Aliens, An Ant Steals A Diamond, The Richest Pets, and Records You Can Break: Episode 88

Here’s a bunch of news stories separated by commas. That weird glow in the sky isn’t an aurora… It’s Steve, a tiny ant tries to walk away with a little diamond, extraterrestrial life might be purple, the richest pets in the world, the new 2019 Edition of the Guinness Book of World Records, and records you can break yourself.

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Halloween, Hoaxes, and More Weird News: Episode 87

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We read the whole internet and then tell you about the weird and/or funny news. This week’s guest is writer Jim Cooper (https://jimcooperweb.wordpress.com) and we talk about spider webs that cover a lake shore, 13 runners who break Guinness records, top 10 popular Halloween costumes this year, the new fashion trend called nosewarmers, a satellite fuel tank that crashed down in a California orchard, a robot finger attachment for your mobile phone, and few hoaxes from history, including the Berners Street Hoax, The Society For Indecency To Naked Animals, Three-Eyed Fish and Selfie Rat, and more!

Fake Moon, and The Trash Geyser: Episode 86

This week Offroad is with Oddsock and they’re talking about an artificial moon that China is planning to launch , 5 squirrels with their tails tangled together, a rock that turns out to be meteorite, the cat pajama jam, the Yellowstone geyser that erupts trash, and more!

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It’s Robot Pizza Van. Take any 3 words and put them together, eventually that will be a new thing. Robot Pizza Van. Each week we read the entire internet and tell you about the weird and funny stuff.

Music by Uncle Milk

Support the show at https://www.patreon.com/rss/Robotpizzavan?auth=gQouVmKZMAjCYcXwscskTaNkvn8i1Yvj

Strange Sounds: Episode 85

This week we’re with Borg and we’re talking about the sound of plasma waves on Saturn, Jupiter’s electromagnetic sounds, the museum of endangered sounds, screaming sausages, and the gold record that the U.S.A. sent into space with a message for aliens.

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Plasma Waves on Saturn
NASA flew the Cassini spaceship into Saturn last year. Directly into it. It crashed into the planet taking measurements and readings to the very end. The Cassini launched in 1997 and took 7 years to get to Saturn. Its been hanging around orbiting and probing Saturn since then, sending the info back to us on earth. Until last year when it was running out of fuel so they wanted to crash it into Saturn rather than have it fly of into space and hit some other ship or contaminate a planet that any earth microbes might grow on. They figure crash it on Saturn. So a few months before it crashes they get in a very low orbit, like in between the planet and its rings. And so about 20 of these tight orbits later and then finally crash into the planet. But before the crash we got some weird info. The Ship picked up some plasma waves heading from Saturn to its rings and into one of its moons. They said it was like an electrical circuit, with energy flowing back and forth. Researchers converted those plasma waves into an audio file “in the same way a radio translates electromagnetic waves into music.”

Jupiter sounds
A recording of Jupiter sounds (electromagnetic “voices”) by NASA-Voyager. The complex interactions of charged electromagnetic particles from the solar wind , planetary magnetosphere etc. create vibration “soundscapes”.
Museum of endangered sounds
It’s a website with a bunch of audio clips of different technology that has gone obsolete. For instance: the connecting of 56k modems. There are currently 15 clips but look for more in the future at http://savethesounds.info/
Screaming sausages
British food scientist Stuart Farrimond has measured the decibel levels produced by sausages dating back to 1845. Farrimond discovered that today’s sausages don’t make as much noise as those made from older recipes, saying that it’s because they are more lean and contain less moisture (in England they’re called bangers because they’re so loud).

Murmurs of the Earth, Voyager Spacecraft (1977)
We launched a gold record into space in 1977 for aliens to listen to on their record players.

How To Start Your Own Country: Episode 84

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A micronation is a small area or group of people that claim to be independent but they aren’t recognized by other countries.

Reading this I kept seeing nation, country and state so I looked it up to figure out what the differences were between them.

A lot of times they’re used interchangeably to mean the same thing. As far as I can tell, A country and a State DO mean the same thing. Country and State are both an independent sovereign territory with people that live there. The United states of America, the country… Is a State. It’s confusing because in the USA were i live we also have divisions within this that we call states. I think it’s because before we united into one country they were individual sovereign states that decided to join together and give of some of their sovereignty to the larger State.

Anyway, these micronations are claiming to be independent sovereign states. To be counted as a sovereign state you have to have these things: land or territory, People who live there, a government, and other countries recognize you as an independent State. Micronations don’t have one of these things. Usually it’s that other countries don’t recognize it.

A lot of these micro nations were formed as protests to different things, others were formed when a landowner claimed their land was a separate country.

The most famous of the micronations is possibly Sealand. Maybe you’ve heard of this one. The story behind it is crazy.

Back during world war 2, in the 1940s England built some platforms out in the ocean on their coast as protection during the war. After the war a lot of these platforms stayed out their in the ocean. I think 3 miles of the coast was counted as England’s water.

But some of the platforms had been built out further than that, into international waters. One of these platforms was named Fort Roughs. By the 1960s their weren’t any military working on these platforms anymore.  I’m not sure who was there first at the Fort Roughs platform. Jack Moore was going to setup a pirate radio station “Radio Caroline”. But Roy Bates wanted it for his pirate radio station “ Radio Essex”.

Ok, so then in 1967 Roy Bates gets Jack and the Radio Caroline people to leave somehow and at some point Roy Bates and his friends are firing guns in the air and throwing some Molotov cocktails. There’s even a bit about leaving one of the guys to dangle from a ladder for a few hours. The exact details are a little cloudy.

Just a year before that  Roy Bates had been living on a different military platform off the coast where he had his pirate radio station. The government shut it down. That’s why He moved to the Fort Roughs platform because it was further out in international waters, but just as he  did this England passed a law that said British citizens couldn’t have pirate radio stations. That’s when it all come together in his mind like a giant jigsaw puzzle. He declared independence from England.

He called himself Prince Roy and his wife, Joan Bates, and two children lived there on the platform with him. He named his country the Principality of Sealand.

In 1967 the English government sent the military to destroy a bunch of the other platforms, some of them were nearby and it freaked them out on Sealand.  So the next year when Government boats were driving…what do you call driving a boat… boating along they got too close to Sealand and some people from Sealand fired some warning shots. The boats left but Roy Bates was summoned to Court in England for the firearms act.

They had legal arguments, the judge thought about it and then decided that since Sealand was outside of England’s waters  they had no jurisdiction. In the 1970s he made a flag, passports, stamps, currency, national anthem and a motto: E Mare Libertas, or from the sea, freedom.

In 1978 a business partner of Roy’s Mr. Achenbach, took over the platform while Bates was away. Bates and Achenbach disagreed about building a casino or a resort, I’m not sure, but this article says that the business partner sent some armed men with a lawyer to Fort Roughs. A different article called them simply business men. They took over the platform. A coup d’etat?

Roy Bates gets together a team of 5 guys and flew in with a helicopter. It got real close but there wasn’t a bloody gun battle. The men gave up and Roy’s partner Mr. Achenbach, since he had been a citizen of sealand, he was charged with treason and sentenced to life on the platform. Finally an ambassador from Germany came and talked him into releasing Mr. Achenbach, who was a German.

In 1987 England extended its territorial waters from 3 to 12 miles which included Sealand now. In retaliation Roy Bates also extended his own waters to include a couple of port towns nearby on the coast.

In 2006 Roy and his wife retired to Spain and their son Prince Regent Michael, the acting head of state has decided to live in Essex (England i guess) and leaves the platform to caretakers.

Roy Bates lived to be 91 years old and he died In 2012. I assume his son Michael still runs the Country from Essex.

Sealand is not recognized by any other countries or by the UN. The UN stipulates that artificial installations don’t count as territory.

I did see that according to Wikipedia Sealand has not disbanded and in fact there is a website sealandgov.org that seems to be the website for the country of Sealand. There’s history of sealand, the founding of Sealand, and you can buy titles of nobility are. A lord lady or baron or baroness 44.99.  Count or countess for 294.99 or a duck (it’s really duke but i think this typo is funny) or duchess for 734.99. You can also buy stamps, t shirts flags, mugs, or a Sealand ID card. So it seems the dream of Sealand is still alive.

5 Things To Do After You Die: Episode 83

Offroad finds a bunch of weird news stories to tell his two co-hosts, Rygar and Borg, to try to make them laugh. Normally it’s three guys but this week it’s only one guy trying to make himself laugh.

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This week we have the top 5 cool things to do with your cremation ashes. We’ve also got a story about real fish with plastic googly eyes. Then we talk about a guy who put up an electric fence to keep the kids out of his yard. And Jim Cooper calls in with his “Interesting News” segment. Did I mention space ghosts?

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

Edible Water And Sneaker Laces: Episode 82

If you’re a regular listener then you’ve probably noticed that this, and the past two episodes have been reruns of previous episodes. We’ve been taking a break while we play our most popular episodes from the vault. We will have a new show next week.

If your a new listener… never mind.

This week we examine edible water bubbles. We don’t eat or drink any, we just examine… the idea. We’re also talking about a Harvard study on the physics behind why shoelaces come untied… and the feet that love them.

Other topics that we get sidetracked with are Fruitarians, Breatharians, plant EKGs, Ents and Entwives, the British version of Kickstarter, Boba tea, kale(again), and we watch an advertisement(?) for Joan’s barbecue and foot massage.

Music by Uncle Milk

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or wherever you can think of, smartypants.

Rat Cafe: Episode 81

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Rygar, Offroad and Borg present another set of unusual stories from the internet. Cat cafes, dog cafes and even a rat cafe. But first we chat about the hard-hitting questions that everyone’s been dying to know: What kind of coffee do you like? What kind of hipster? How tall is America? Why does Charlie Chaplin have the same mustache as Hitler?

There exist cat cafes where you can drink coffee while you hang around with free-roaming cats. There are also dog cafes which are very similar to the cat cafés except the cats are instead dogs. Finally, there is a rat café and guess what the cats there are? Yep, the cats are rats! Try to drink your coffee while your hanging out with rats.

This is a re-release of episode 23. We’ll be back next week with new episodes.

Music by Uncle Milk
Or listen on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van/id1212719431?mt=2

Spin Cycle: Episode 80

Listen here

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This is a re-release of episode 13. Let’s take a break and look back at the way things were.

We spend a bit of time watching a wash machine cycle (we review someone else’s review) and it’s some of the most fun I’ve had in a while. There’s suspense, heartache, thrills, and… cats! Here’s a little spoiler: 1600 RPMs!

Lyrebird is a startup with new speech synthesis technology. They can take a one minute recording of someone’s voice and use it to generate a key which can then be used to generate speech of that person saying anything you want. The company is giving it away for free?

Offroad mentions a theory that looting of stereo equipment during an LA riot helped rap/hip hop to grow. Actually, the theory is that this looting happened during a blackout in New York city in 1977. There is a caterpillar that eats plastic, on purpose. I think he likes it. There is also a quick (ha ha) story about particle accelerators. Look out for Future Shock – the idea and the Herbie Hancock song. Borg shows off his audio fading techniques (the fastest fade in the west).

Music by Uncle Milk
iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van/id1212719431?mt=2
Call and leave a voice mail at 510-629-1233

Zombie Cats: Episode 79

 

A family buried the wrong pet, police accidentally pepper spray the Tour De France, two men escape from a nursing home to attend a heavy metal show, a 14 year old is running for governor, a captured fugitive was recorded doing the ‘in my feelings challenge’, and Jim Cooper with “interesting news”.

Hybrid Dolphins, Tiny Pizza Chairs, and Baby Shark Thieves: Episode 77

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This week we talk about thieves that steal a shark by dressing it like a baby. Then, you know that little plastic thing that keeps the pizza box from squishing the pizza? It’s called a pizza table and now you can get tiny little matching pizza chairs. We also talk about a man who dug a hole in his living room to look for treasure. Finally, those crazy scientists are at it again and this time they’ve discovered a new hybrid dolphin.

There’s a lot of weird stuff on the internet and not enough time to look at it all. We find all of the unusual news and scrunch it into about a half hour.

Gibberish Song, Literally Poison Books, and Combustible Tortilla Chips: Episode 76

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This week Borg hosts this episode as we talk about literally poisonous books, a bot that negotiates your bills, a gibberish song, and combustible tortilla chips.

There are some old books that are covered in poison, just like in that novel “The Name of the Rose”. There’s also this chatbot that will chat with your bills and try to negotiate you a better price. Then Prisencolinensinainciusol is song that supposed to sound like English to people who don’t speak English, but it’s complete gibberish. And then we’re looking at the spontaneous combustion of tortilla chips.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

Crow Vending Machine: Episode 75

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This week we talk about drunk seagulls, crow vending machines, the lunar wave, and lighting a cigarette off of a burning car.

There’s a lot of weird stuff on the internet and not enough time to look through all of it. We find all of the unusual news and scrunch it into about a half hour.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

Cats on the Internet: Episode 74

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Cats and the internet, sarcophagus soup, an accident prone koala, internet shutdown in Algeria, and Reddit’s shower thoughts.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

Helicopter Prison Break, Accidental Car Theft, and the Woman Mistaken for Dead: Episode 73

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It’s Robot Pizza Van, where we read the entire internet to bring you the odd interesting and unusual news stories, my name is Offroad and today we’re talking about A woman who was found alive in the morgue, a helicopter prison break, an accidental car theft, and the Flynn Effect.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Rat Eats Cash, Snail Memory Transfer, and Odd Promotional Product: Episode 72 of Robot Pizza Van podcast

A rat eats $19,000 in cash, memory is transferred between two snails, meat scented candles, and a kid is cleaning up the ocean. Special appearance by Mathman.

or listen in iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

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A rat got into an ATM machine and nibbles all the bills. Find out how you can tell if rats have eaten YOUR money. Then, scientists transfer the memory of one snail to the mind of another snail. We also look at the hottest new condiment merchandising – meat scented candles (I forgot these are candles and I’ve been eating them). Finally as in the final story, but also finally as in after a long delay, a kid has invented a way to clean the plastic from the ocean.

Music by Uncle Milk
and also
ChaosMusic

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Turtle Crossing: Episode 71

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Some drivers intentionally hit turtles. Leonidas of Rhodes holds an Olympic record for around 2,000 years, until recently. A severed rattlesnake head bites a man. A wolf-like creature is discovered in Montana. Is it the Game of Thrones dire wolf?. A poor little squirrel was rescued from his overgrown teeth. Mid-year resolutions. Justin Trudeau’s left eyebrow has gone off the hook and other strange video artifacts.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Woolly Mammoths? We’ll Get Around To It: Episode 70

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Some guy is selling a hot dog in a bottle of water, Hot Dog Water. Scientists found a 99 million year old frog that was trapped in amber, along with the beetle that the frog was about to eat. Cloning woolly mammoths? We’ll get around to it. You know those tiny bottles of alcohol? A truckload of them spilled on a highway. Earlier it was a truckload of spaghetti sauce. Before that it was bourbon and before that it was frozen pizzas. All spilled on highways… in the same state. Bring silverware if your going on a road trip. This week’s feel good story… someone invented a gravity electric generator.

Music by Uncle Milk
and
The Zombie Dandies.

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Lemonade Stand Fines: Episode 69

Robot Pizza Van podcast reads the entire internet and tells you about the funny things. This week’s special guest, author and artist… David Bright. What do we talk about this week? A pile of onions out in the desert. A snake causes a power outage. A robot dog’s funerals. A celebration that causes an artificial earthquake. A company that will pay any fines that kids get for running a lemonade stand. Music by Uncle Milk.
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Drink With A Toe: Episode 68

Or listen in iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

We read the entire internet and here’s some things. To qualify for an internship at one of the world’s largest candy company you have to identify every Skittle flavor blindfolded. Changing the subject, there is an iPhone case that doubles as a 20 pound dumbbell so you can… I don’t know. But hey, here’s a different thing… sharks will listen to jazz if you give them food and there’s a restaurant that gives it’s patrons water pistols to fight off the seagulls. Which reminds me… there’s a bar that serves a drink with an unusual ingredient… ok I’ll tell you what it is… it’s a person’s toe. And never start a sentence with the word ‘and’ but nonetheless… Pork roll flavored ice cream.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Robot Politicians, Audio Illusions, Mussels on Opioids, and a Dead Man’s Finger:Episode 67

Or listen in iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

A robot is running for Mayor, we listen to a few audio illusions, Seattle mussels test positive for opioids, the police use a dead man’s finger to unlock a phone, and Somebody Spilled Something Somewhere.

Music by Uncle Milk
and
The Zombie Dandies

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Secrets of Alphabet Spaghetti, A Weird Gun, Ducks That Speed, and A New Joggling Record: Episode 66

Each week we read the entire internet and then tell you about the funny parts. This week find out which letters are in a can of alphabet spaghetti and if it spells anything. Then a gun is discovered sticking out of a car’s bumper, science has a new theory as to why ice is slippery, a duck is caught speeding, and there is a new joggling world record.
Still 99% politics free and it would have been 100 except that I mentioned the word politics twice now.

Or listen in iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

Music by Uncle Milk
and
The Zombie Dandies

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Accidental Zombie Alert, Cheetos Shortage, and the Amenities of an $85 Million Apartment: Episode 65

An accidental zombie alert goes out over the public emergency system… again. If they keep doing this then when the real zombies come nobody is going to believe it. We’ve got a classic case of ‘the boy who cried zombie’. Also, a woman claims that Oreo never paid a prize that she won. Then, New York is running out of Cheetos. And finally, an $85 million dollar apt comes with trip to space and other anemones… enemies…amenities! These are the newses!

Music by Uncle Milk

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Weird Voicemails, Phone Booth Stuffing, Polished Tin Foil, and The Tiny Tooth Sensor: Episode 64

 

Listen in iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

Phone booth stuffing was an attempt to see how many people could fit inside of a phone booth. Phone booth stuffing also sounds like it could be a side dish at a the AT&T company picnic. Before that, we get a voicemail about weird and mysterious voicemails from the ‘What The Podcast’ (https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/what-the-podcast/id1349582735?mt=2). And before both of those two other things we discover that it takes a lot of work to create a polished aluminum foil ball. And finally, before…after everything else, the tiny tooth sensor that’s taking your mouth by storm.

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Zombie Raccoons, Exploding Ants, Why Haven’t Aliens Visited Earth and Borg’s Pet Fly: Episode 63

Offroad, Rygar and Borg read the entire internet to find the newsiest stories for you. This week… why haven’t aliens visited earth, zombie raccoons, a man waters a plant for his late wife, and exploding ants. Also today, for the first time, we learn the name of Borg’s pet fly.

Music by Uncle Milk

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The Typo That Won the War, a 44 Furby Organ, Robot Strippers, Phone Bans and Things: Episode 62

or iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2

Hey, this time… The typo that won the war, a 44 Furby organ, robot strippers, and other things.

Ok, the other things are… a paper airplane folding machine, some of Yoko Ono’s art was stolen, a student that works around the phone ban, and ladies and gentleman, today we meet Borg’s pet fly.

Music by Uncle Milk

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The Race for Underachievers, $500 Fine for an Apple, and Selfie Monkey in Court: Episode 61

This week… The .5k race for underachievers… Selfie monkey loses in court… Woman is fined $500 for an apple… Man attacked by shark, mauled by bear and bit by snake… And More!

‘What The Podcast’ left us a voice mail about new developments with the AI Robot named Sophia. Check out their show about paranormal and conspiracy stuff on iTunes or SoundCloud – https://soundcloud.com/what-the-podcast

Music by Uncle Milk

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Platypus Milk, A New Human Organ, and Slices of Ketchup: Episode 60

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Platypus milk can save the world, a new human organ has been discovered, and slices of ketchup.

Platypus milk has a newly discovered type of antibiotic property that could help us if all the germs became immune to our current antibiotics. And… scientists discovered a new organ in the human body that acts like a shock absorber for your bones and muscles. How did they overlook this before? And, and… a company is on Kickstarter funding slices of ketchup and other condiments.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Slowest Roller Coaster Crash, Flat-Earther’s Rocket, and Gold Falls From The Sky: Episode 59

You want to hear the news that they’re not telling you, the news that has been hidden from your eyes thirsty for the quenching refreshment of truth. Thirsty eyes. The most important information has been hidden in plain sight, in the guise of seemingly random, silly and weird news stories.

Here’s what I found this week – The slowest roller coaster completely stops in the middle of a ride and no one noticed. A man builds his own steam powered rocket so he can launch it high enough to see whether the Earth is flat or not. Gold is reported to have been falling from the sky in Russia. Those are the incredibly relevant news stories that we cover this week.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Cobots, Gobots, and Twitter Bots

What do robots that work alongside people, cars that transform into other things, and government propaganda have in common? No, I’m asking you. I don’t know.

soundcloud.com/robotpizzavan/cobots-gobots-and-twitter-bots

Cobots are built to work alongside people. “Hey, hand me that wrench!”, “Bleep bloop”.

Then, I always thought the Gobots were a pale imitation of the Transformers. Turns out that Gobots are the pale originators?

And finally, Twitter bots and are they all out to get us?

What’s In My Facebook Data: Episode 57

A glitch breaks Facebook for a minute, Elon Musk deletes his Facebook accounts, and Offroad take a look at the data Facebook has about him.

There’s a story from the beginning of this year when Facebook glitched out for a minute and told people that there was nothing new to see, no new posts… nothing. That was a simpler time. Elon Musk has deleted his Facebook accounts including one for SpaceX, Tesla, and one that kind of looks like his personal page. Then Offroad downloads the data that Facebook has gathered about him and tells you what’s in it. Oh, and maybe somebody bit Beyonce.

Music by Uncle Milk

For more information visit http://www.robotpizzavan.com

Be A Choice: Episode 56

‘Be a choice’ is today’s catchphrase, Owen Wilson says ‘wow’ a lot, you can send your name to the sun, the oldest message in a bottle, and cyborg body hacks… this week on the Robot Pizza Van.

Owen Wilson says ‘wow’ in his movies so often that people have started to notice. Now there are numerous public gatherings for fans to say ‘wow’ like Owen. Wow! Then, NASA is sending a mission to the sun’s atmosphere and you can send your name along. Maybe they will drop them all into the hellish furnace of the sun. Then, then, the oldest message in a bottle has been found. I wonder what it says. No, I know what it says. I’m just adding to the suspense. The last story today is about cyborg hacks you can currently do to your own body like the brain lace, magnetic finger tips, RFID chip implants, or an arm that detects earthquakes.

Music by Uncle Milk

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RSS Feed

Fortune Cookie Lotto Winner: Episode 55

The news this week: Alexa’s creepy laugh, Grumpy Cat wins in court, fortune cookie numbers win the lottery, and the $1,600 Uber ride.

Amazon’s smart device, Alexa has been laughing at random times during the day, sometimes during the middle of the night. Amazon finally acknowledged it. Then, Grumpy Cat wins a copyright lawsuit against a coffee business that had misused his likeness. After that, someone played the lucky numbers from inside a fortune cookie and won the lottery, including surprising information about fortune cookie numbers. Finally, the Uber ride that cost a sleeping man $1,600 and his struggle not to pay it.

Music by Uncle Milk

Killer Whales Can Speak English: Episode 54

Killer whales, also known as orcas, can imitate human speech. They can imitate a lot of things. Orcas are the parrot of the sea. Then, A Swiss university is the first to offer a degree in yodeling. They should have called it Yodel University.

Employees at Apple’s new “spaceship” headquarters building keep walking into the giant glass walls. And the last story is about the #Lastman contest, a competition to see who can go the longest without learning who won the Superbowl.

Music by Uncle Milk

The Philadelphia Experiment: Episode 53

Did the military use secret advanced technology to render a navel destroyer invisible? Well, that’s what I heard. This week we look at the Philadelphia Experiment, where the story came from and where it’s going.

We also talk about a material made of nano-tubes that absorbs 99.9% of light, making it the darkest artificial material, and we talk about the delivery robots that we’ve been seeing around town.

Listen on iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2#episodeGuid=tag%3Asoundcloud%2C2010%3Atracks%2F408880521

Music by Uncle Milk
Support us on http://www.patreon.com/robotpizzavan

Grackles At The Petrol: Episode 52

Hundreds of grackles gathered at a petrol station, a Starbucks on Yosemite, a UFO at the latest SpaceX launch, and a court case to prove Bigfoot exists. All this and more on Robot Pizza Van’s 52nd episode. Let’s see, that’s one episode a week… 52 divided by… carry the one… It’s been a year! A whole year since this show was born, all tiny and wrinkled and covered in disgusting slime. Aaaaaah, how fast they grow up.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Marmorkrebs: Episode 51

Mutant crayfish clones are showing up all over the world, “As Slow As Possible” is a very slow song, Kentucky Fried Chicken is serving Gravy Cocktails, McDonald’s french fries might cure baldness, and if you sedate a plant it seems to lose consciousness.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Slow Podcast: Episode 50

Offroad, Rygar and Borg watch some Slow TV. What is Slow TV you ask? That wasn’t what you asked? No, you’re right. I’m just trying to explain what this episode is about. Slow TV is a genre of really long broadcasts where the pace of the action is very slow. Some examples include uninterrupted, unedited footage of a seven hour train ride, twelve hours of burning logs, and the thirteen hour National Knitting Night.

I think that there are a few other short news bits also.

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Music by Uncle Milk

Smalt: Episode 49

A smart salt shaker. Smalt, that’s more fun to say and it’s the actual name of the product. Then it’s on to a different story where we learn that mice are evolving to live in the city. City mice. Cmice? It doesn’t work the same as smalt. Finally we check out a band called the Virtual Currency Girls.

Music by Uncle Milk

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Space Weed: Episode 48

A pound of marijuana is sent into space and then returns to earth. At first a PR stunt but now a business idea. Sometimes it’s easier to list off a bunch of questions. What happens when you send marijuana into space? What happens when a person smokes it? Will people buy space weed? What if aliens steal your space-stash?

Music by Uncle Milk

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Space Lawyers: Episode 47

 

Robot Pizza Van is a comedy podcast. Normally we’re just reading funny news stories from the internet, but this week we’re flying an alien UFO around. Borg pilots the spaceship as Offroad plots a course for adventure.

We have a surprisingly good internet signal here in deep space. The first story is about Asgardia, a group of people who have gathered together to start the first space nation. They have launched a small satellite with the hopes of establishing a physical presence in space and eventual recognition from the United Nations. Then we read a story about a cigar shaped asteroid that scientist have confirmed is definitely NOT an alien spaceship. Hmmm…

Music by Uncle Milk
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Borg Goes Back In Time To Fix The Past: Episode 46

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Borg travels through time to the beginning of the episode in order to tell us not to read a particular funny news story. We do read some other funny stories first. One story is about how your house might be bugged and what you can do about it. There’s another story about lifelong best friends who discover they are actually brothers.

We finally do read the forbidden story, even though Future-Borg warned us not to. The story inexplicably drives people to do crazy things. It’s so dangerous that we send Borg back to the beginning of the episode in order to stop us from reading it.

Music by Uncle Milk
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“8 More Unusual Musical Genres” by Robot Pizza Van, a comedy podcast

We had so many unusual musical genres knocking on our door last week that it spilled over into this week’s show. Let me introduce to you the 8 that jammed their foot in the door when I tried to close it: Space Disco, Nintendocore, Chiptune, Yacht Rock, UK Garage, Simpsonwave, Black MIDI/Impossible Music and ancient Indian Classical Raga.

Next week we begin our new Season 2, so keep an eye out for new and exciting things.

Music by Uncle Milk
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7 Unusual Musical Genres: Episode 44

In today’s modern world there are so many different musical styles and genres that it can be hard to keep track. Luckily, Robot Pizza Van has gathered some of the more unusual of them for you to take note of. You have a paper and pencil ready, or was that just a figure of speech?

First we listen to Lowercase which is a style of extreme ambient minimalism. It’s like turning up the sound on something that is usually quiet. Then Vaporwave is a style of music that reminds me of the soundtrack to software of the 1990s. We also listen to a kind of music called Noise. The people who play this music call it that. I’m not making a judgement.

Hey, time for a new paragraph! Speedcore is like techno music played real fast. Then there’s Cringe Pop. That’s when it’s so bad it’s good. It comes around full circle.

One, two, three, four, five… ok, then throat singers, we listen to some throat singers. And finally, the seventh and last unusual musical genre that we check out is Seapunk. It is much like the above mentioned Vaporwave with the added benefit of everything being sea-themed, including mermaids, shipwrecks and cool haircuts.

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Definitely Not A Christmas Special: Episode 43

Nobody learns any lessons and the bad guy wins at the end. Amidst the protests of co-hosts Rygar, Borg, and some supernatural surprise guests, Offroad makes sure that this is not a Very Special Christmas Episode.

Just a regular old episode. Yep. Pen spinning is a thing that we’ve all done. You haven’t? Pick up that pen there and hold it like you’re going to write something. Now flip it around your hand without dropping it. Ok, now… pen spinning is a thing that we have all done, but some people take it to another level. There is an entire pen spinning competitive world with international championships.

Then we look at some ‘funny news of the past’ including a scientist who invented bullet proof wheat (make a joke about lasagna here, maybe something about lasagna replacing body armor?) and edible ink on hot dogs (hot dog-vertising).

And although we try not to, in the end… I guess we all learn a little bit about ourselves. But you should listen anyway.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Real Life Superheroes: Episode 42

This time on Robot Pizza Van… real life superheroes are people that put on a superhero costume and patrol the streets, protecting the innocent and righting wrongs. Just like in the comic books (a comic book is like a movie that you have to read). There’s a whole bunch of people doing this all around the world. We check out some of these real life superheroes, like Squeegee Man for example, to see what the story is.

We also try a new Borg segment about unusual startup companies called “Don’t Get Me Started!” and look at Elon Musk’s Neuralink.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Mysterious Sounds: Episode 41

Listen to some mysterious sounds with us including the bloop, the hum, and the loneliest whale. We also check out Tibetan throat singers (what else do you sing with?), spectral band replication, and helium – the funniest gas.

The military put microphones into the oceans to listen for enemy submarines. Besides submarines they heard sounds that they couldn’t explain (like “The Bloop”). Some of the sounds were so loud and carried so far that they must of been made by a massive creature or event. If it was a creature it would be the largest creature… ever.

There’s also “the Hum” which is a ‘hummimg’ sound that is heard in different places all over the world. No one knows for sure if it’s a real sound (a machine or something) or just imagined. Not everyone can hear the hum.

Then the loneliest whale is so lonely because his whale calls are a higher pitch than the others, so high in fact, that the other whales can’t hear him. And If you were wondering what spectral band replication is well don’t worry because Borg tells all. Oh, and there’s a large cat.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Sneakerheads: Episode 40

8-thumbWhat is a sneakerhead? It’s not a person with a big shoe for a head. I was really excited when that’s what I thought it was. It turns out that a sneakerhead is someone who is fanatical about sneakers… for their feet.

The hosts of the show – Offroad, Borg and Rygar are not shoe experts. Nonetheless, they have been extensively trained in socks, each own at least one pair of sneakers and are thus qualified to speak on the subject. This episode is meant to introduce the laymen to the wonderful world of sneaker fanaticism.

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Rent A Fish: Episode 39

 

There is a hotel chain that offers fish for rent to its guests. How does that work? Just kidding, I already know.
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The next story we read is about strawberry pizza and the Internet’s feeling about it. We always have to think of how the Internet will feel. Like the golden rule says – do unto the Internet as you would have the Internet do unto you. Next there’s a story about a tick that was on display during a presentation about the dangers of ticks, but then mysteriously disappeared to everyone’s fright.

Time to start a new paragraph. Why? It just feels right. Then it’s off to the fashion world as we look at the double jean. It’s like wearing one pair of jeans real low on top of another pair of jeans. And, I don’t even think that it’s two separate pants. I think it’s fake like those fake pockets that look like pockets but I try to put my hands in them and it turns out its just a seam in the shape of a pocket opening and my fingers curl up.

Music by Uncle Milk
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High-tech forks, and some guy payed to live in a box.

High-Tech Forks: Episode 38

or iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-funny-news/id1212719431?mt=2#episodeGuid=tag%3Asoundcloud%2C2010%3Atracks%2F358314800

A San Francisco man pays to live in a box, and a few different high-tech forks. There are seven million, nine hundred and ninety-eight stories in the naked city, besides these two.

The rent in San Francisco is pretty high but how much do you think it would cost to live in a box? Then we look at several different high-tech forks including a noise canceling fork, a salt flavored fork (with no salt) and the fork that buzzes you if you eat too fast.

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The Ping Pong Lifestyle: Episode 37

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This week a court tells us that Facebook friends are not necessarily our real friends. I was already insecure. Then Prince’s sister says that purple wasn’t his favorite color. Guess what color it was? No, guess again. Ok… tell you what. Just listen to the show and I’ll tell you then.

We also chit chat about pool, ping pong and recreational tables in general. Nobody has room for a ping pong table. You make room. It’s a lifestyle. The ping pong table makes room for you!

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New, Episode 36: Accidental Tweet

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or iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-weird-news/id1212719431?mt=2#episodeGuid=tag%3Asoundcloud%2C2010%3Atracks%2F351783913

A marathon takes a wrong turn, and a phone accidentally dictates an unusual tweet. Robot Pizza Van is your source for all the news that is funny or weird.

During a marathon the runners who were in the lead took a wrong turn. In the meantime some other guy wins the race. Then Rygar tells us about the time he ran in a marathon and was hit in the back of the head with a tortilla. That’s why I won’t run in any footrace.

A woman is dictating a tweet about a news article she had just read. In the middle of the tweet a friend came to her house so she paused the tweet. Little did she know that the twitter machine had not paused but in fact had continued to dictate everything that she said to her friend and broadcast that out. Can you imagine the kind of private things that might have been revealed? Imagine no more. We have the actual tweet and it will be read live, on the air. This is nothing like Al Capone’s vault. I am sure that there are words inside this tweet.

We look at useless websites and spirulina really is a super food. Super cool!

Music by Uncle Milk

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Love Is Not A Real Ingredient: Episode 35

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Love is not a real ingredient in granola, and George Foreman challenges Steven Seagal to a fight. Join Offroad, Rygar and Borg as we consider these stories and more.

or iTunes https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/robot-pizza-van-weird-news/id1212719431?mt=2#episodeGuid=tag%3Asoundcloud%2C2010%3Atracks%2F349225004

Can you list “love” as an ingredient on a food products label? A small bakery thinks so but the FDA disagrees. It’s all up to you to decide.

George Foreman challenges Steven Seagal to a 10 round, no holds barred, fight. Included in this episode is a list of holds that are traditionally barred.

Music by Uncle Milk
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Fishnado: Episode 34

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We search high and low to bring you the news stories that won’t keep you awake at night. It was hard to find, but these are all of the stories from the entire internet this week, all the stories that don’t involve politics, religion or anything else that generally excite people: Man sneaks snakes in his socks, fish are falling from the sky, and a monkey that took a picture of himself. That’s all of them

A man is caught at the Canadian border smuggling albino Western Hog-nose snakes in his socks. Robot Pizza Van has covered other stories of snake smuggling and assumes the reptile market to be lucrative.

In a Mexican town fish have reportedly rained down in the streets during an otherwise normal rainstorm. Scientist say that the cause is a tornado that has sucked up a bunch of fish and rained them down miles away.

Finally, a monkey took a selfie and now Peta has sued the human photographer on behalf of the monkey. Can an animal hold a copyright? Don’t answer, I can’t hear you right now.

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Squeaky Boy: Episode 33

Time for weird, unimportant news. You know on the news when they have that one story that’s not serious… the ‘human interest’ story… the fluff piece. Well that’s all we do. The stories today are: A bathroom’s plumbing is clogged with money, Velcro wants you to stop calling it Velcro, a squeaky boy and more weird eBay items.

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Several bathrooms’ “plumbing” have been found clogged with 500 euro bills that have been cut-up into tiny pieces. Why? I don’t’ know. Then Velcro wants us to stop using the word Velcro as a verb, example: to Velcro something. They’re worried about us using the word Velcro this way, like we did with Kleenex and band aide. If we do this too much then they could lose their brand name. They made a goofy music video to promote the idea and we watch it. Very catchy.

Finally, we watch the video of a boy who’s swallowed the whistle piece from a pet’s squeaky toy. Is it funny… or is it sad? The boy end up ok. Does that help? Then we continue a story from a past episode of the Robot Pizza Van: More unusual items being sold on eBay. They’re food items that are shaped oddly. For example: a Cheeto that is shaped like a bald eagle. How much would you pay for such an item? I can get you a good deal.

Weird Creatures: Episode 32

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Here’s the news that doesn’t matter. It’s not important or relevant. Today a man eats a black widow at the Halloween job fair. Then scientist have made a spider web as strong as steel. Finally, we’re seeing more brain-like blobs around. I wonder why.

A man attends a job fair at the local Halloween haunt. To impress and maybe land himself a job, he eats the poisonous black widow spider that he has brought along for the job interview. Very professional. Don’t worry. He has learned from his mistakes and carries black widow anti-venom in case he gets bitten… again.

Scientists have encouraged a spider to spin web that is as strong as steel. Imagine a group of scientists encouraging the cute little spider. “You can do it!” and “We believe in you little spiddey!”

Brain-like blobs are generally found in certain areas. We’ve been finding them lately in unexpected places. I hate to find brain-like blobs when I’m not expecting it. Brain-like? They only look like brains. Each football sized blob is a colony of tiny zoids. What do they want? What does anybody want?

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Air Guitar Champion: Episode 31

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Listen to us talk as we watch some of the Air Guitar World Championship. We also look at a study that says intelligent people swear. Dang!

We watch this year’s 22nd Annual Air Guitar World Championship. That means they’ve done this 21 times already. Find out what it takes to win the title. This year it was held in Finland. Iceland is green and Greenland has ice. Finland has…

A study done at the University of Rochester shows that intelligent people swear more. It also shows other habits that seem to correlate. Correlation does not mean causation… or does it!

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Steamroller Crushes Unpublished Work: Episode 30

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A famous author’s unpublished works have been crushed by a steamroller, and the library asks that you stop paying late book fines with Chuck E Cheese tokens. At first these two stories seem unrelated and later they will seem even less related.

We start with the news about Chuck E Cheese. We learn not only that a Massachusetts library is requesting that late book fees NOT be paid with Chuck E Cheese tokens, but the Chuck E Cheese Animatronic Band is breaking up! Two devastating blows to Mr. Cheese.

Then its off to a friend of the late Terry Pratchett, who is fulfilling the late author’s wishes. His wish? To have his hard-drive crushed by a steamroller after his death. This would prevent anyone from publishing any of his unpublished or unfinished work. And the steamroller in this story has a name! Someone named it! Oh, and Google home makes a short cameo appearance as the talking household internet device.

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The WhopperCoin: Episode 29

Burger King has its own 'whoppercoin' cryptocurrency in Russia

What is a Whoppercoin and how do I get one? Where has Rygar been? Do people really register their hands as lethal weapons? Ok, so you’ve got a lot of questions. Well, gather around and I’ll tell you a tale. A story of the time when Offroad, Borg and Rygar talked into microphones one summer day.

To answer those questions – WhopperCoin is a cryptocurrency created by Burger King, Rygar was at the McGregor vs. Mayweather weigh-in, and no… as far as I can tell no one is required or able to register their hands as a lethal weapon. I guess there’s no point in listening to this episode now that you know everything. See you next week!

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Monkey Waiters: Episode 28

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A bar employs monkeys as waiters, and a couple (of people) buy an exclusive street in San Francisco. If you’re tired of caring about the news then join the Robot Pizza Van in our battle against important news.

There is a bar in Japan that has a couple of macaque monkeys who serve drinks to customers. The monkeys learned it by watching the owner. Now they’re teaching it to the next generation of monkey waiters and waitresses.

A street in San Francisco forgets to pay their taxes so the city sells the street to a couple. The city kept sending warnings to the wrong address, so you see, it’s all just a horrible misunderstanding. What would you do with a street of your own in a major metropolitan area?

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Tortoise On The Run: Episode 27

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A giant tortoise escaped from a zoo in Japan. There’s a bunch of funny things in this story. First. it’s a giant tortoise so the escape must have taken some time, it was probably not a fast getaway. Second, the turtle doesn’t get very far. Third, how the turtle was found. This third point is not that funny but I was counting my fingers and I still have two more left. Fourth point, the turtle has a cute name. Fifth point of humor is… that … turtles are funny.

Ok, the other story is that Pantone, the system for matching colors used in specifying printing inks, not Pantene the hair care product… Pantone has teamed up with the Prince estate to create a custom shade of purple as a tribute to prince. It’s called “Love Symbol #2”. I will not make a joke about the other numbered love symbols.

And finally, is a vertebrit an animal distinguished by the possession of a spinal column, or is it something that you might spread your vegemite upon?

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King Cobras In A Can: Episode 26

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A man is accused of smuggling cobras in potato chip cans, we review a guy on YouTube who reviews shoes, and we check out some food shaped like other things.

Offroad, Rygar and Borg talk about funny, weird and/or unusual news articles from the internet. For instance, this week we read about a man who smuggled three live, venomous king cobra snakes, each two feet long, inside of a potato chip can. We watch a YouTube video from Brad Hall who reviews shoes and has been found on top ten most boring video lists. Then we’re on Ebay looking at food items that are shaped like something else. For instance, a Mickey mouse miracle sandwich that has mold shaped vaguely like mickey mouse is for sale on Ebay for $31,000… or best offer. A peanut with brown spots shaped like mickey mouse and a strawberry that doesn’t really look like mickey mouse at all, this and more on the Robot Pizza Van.

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AI Creates Its Own Language: Episode 25

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Facebook shuts down their AI chatbots after the chatbots invent their own language. Scary and sensational headline but really they shut it down because it’s impractical… so they say! And luxury ‘Skinny House’ to be built in a three-meter gap in London. And, don’t start a sentence with “And”.

First, Facebook is experimenting with artificial intelligent (AI) chatbots to explore how people barter and trade. I bet they’re doing it so that chatbots can interact with customers better. Chatbots are less expensive than people for customer service. Anyway, they were messing around and they got two chatbots bartering with each other. Since there were no human involved, the chatbots started to create their own shorthand, or slang to communicate with each other. Some of the internet speculates that Facebook shutdown the project for fear of the chatbots developing their own secret language and taking over the world, or was that something I was afraid of?

Then, skinny houses, a health fad in London, where houses eat less calories, get plenty of exercise and fluids… nope, skinny houses are actually houses that are built between two previously placed building that are in very close proximity. Let me try again. They squeeze the skinny house in between two houses that are already there. You’ll just have to listen to this episode to see for yourself. But really, they are houses built into a narrow space.

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Silent Song Tops iTunes: Episode 24

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A silent 10 minute song is climbing the charts in iTunes and a truck crash covers highway in pizza. This show looks at the funny, unusual, even weird stories from the internet. But first we talk about noise cancellation, from advanced audio technology to the simple ear plug.

There’s a song on iTunes by Samir Mezrahi called “A A A A A Very Good Song.” The song is ten minutes of silence. If you’re wondering why anyone would make such a song, or why anyone would pay ninety-nine cents to buy such a song… then you’ve come to the right place. Or maybe you’re listening to hear about the highway covered in pizza. We also talk a lot about noise cancellation.

Borg mentions that to cancel out a sound – you flip one of the speaker one hundred and eighty degrees out of phase. What does this mean? It’s like if you took the sound wave and flipped it. A sound wave goes up and down, so wherever it was up – it is now down, and vice versa. When you play a sound wave and the flipped sound wave at the same time they cancel each other out.

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Rat Cafe: Episode 23

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Rygar, Offroad and Borg present another set of unusual stories from the internet. Cat cafes, dog cafes and even a rat cafe. But first we chat about the hard-hitting questions that everyone’s been dying to know: What kind of coffee do you like? What kind of hipster? How tall is America? Why does Charlie Chaplin have the same mustache as Hitler?

There exist cat cafes where you can drink coffee while you hang around with free-roaming cats. There are also dog cafes which are very similar to the cat cafés except the cats are instead dogs. Finally, there is a rat café and guess what the cats there are? Yep, the cats are rats! Try to drink your coffee while your hanging out with rats.

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Alarm Clock Stuck In A Wall: Episode 22

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It’s time for a new episode. I can tell because of the alarm clock stuck in the wall for the past 13 years. I’m not sure what time it actually is because it’s inside the wall. Coincidentally this happened to someone else. How? Why? Where? All those newspaper type questions will be answered.

TV networks misspell their show’s names on purpose. Why would they do such a thing? A marriage ends a winning streak. How could that happen? Boy, I ask a lot of questions for a guy who already read these stories. It’s almost like I’m trying to get you to ask these questions, to peak your interest, to elicit a response,… from you. Yes, I’m talking directly to you. Just like in the Neverending Story. Now sit back, yell out the new name you’ve chosen for the princess and listen to the Robot Pizza Van.

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Goldfish On Wheels: Episode 21

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Offroad has some news stories, Rygar’s talking some heavy philosophy and Borg remembers computer specs from yesteryear. Aaaaah… but now the news: Students at Carnegie Mellon University have built a goldfish tank on wheels that is driven by the position of the goldfish. This is the first step towards goldfish robots. In other news, artist Neil Mendoza has created a robotic system, controlled by a goldfish that smashes tiny people furniture. Goldfish again. Coincidence or is this the second step towards robotic goldfish and their eventual quest for global domination?

The Pacific trash gyre/vortex is big. How big? Oh, don’t make us do math. No, really… Ok, you asked for it. Math! Then, the third thumb is a wearable, prosthetic, thirds thumb. How would that work? How do you control it? What does it look like? Now, now… slow down, all these questions will be answered in this episode.

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P-Touch And The Real Lord Buckethead: Episode 20

You know last week the episode had Lord Buckethead in the title, but we didn’t actually talk about him very much. This week we talk about him a lot, but I already named last week’s show. Today we learn a little bit about everyone: Rygar is so organized that he owns the deluxe version of the P-touch label maker, Borg breaks Youtube, EZ teaches us what dabbing is and it’s cultural significance, and Offroad quietly watches it all.

Before we break YouTube we are able to watch Cory Burns record a weird strike out, the Bee gees cover the Beatles, and Adele cover herself. We also learn that in England fish sticks are called fish rods and that quantum computers will render computer encryption obsolete (we really shouldn’t do math on the air).

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https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/p-touch-and-the-real-lord-buckethead-episode-20/id1212719431?i=1000389966108&mt=2

I Married a Train Station, and Apple’s Pizza Box Patent: Episode 18

Offroad and Borg are here, and today’s episode is in 3D sound! It feels just like the sound is really there… in your ears. First we read about a new pizza box design by Apple, and then we talk about a woman who married a train station. We also listen to a phone call from our email. Next time we’ll probably call up an email on the phone.

Apple has designed a pizza box for their office’s cafeteria. And like everything made by Apple it is “fill in the blank with insult or praise depending on whether you like Apple or not”. In other news, a woman really likes a particular train station, a lot. We also revisit the YouTube page from our Spin Cycle episode 13 to look at the video’s comments.

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Audio Tattoos And Crumbless Bread: Episode 17

Offroad, Borg, Rygar, and special guest (second week in a row) EZ meet to discuss some topics from the internets: soundwave tattoos, crumbless bread and a clown that mustn’t juggle in his own defense. This episode is formatted in 3D audio, which sounds best on normal headphones(especially) or normal speakers.

If you got a tattoo that played a sound, what would yours be? A bee? You’re just saying that because I just said that. Hey, if a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one there to use an app to play back the sound of the tree falling,… ok, wait there’s a simpler way to explain. There are soundwave-shaped tattoos that can use an app to play the sound back.

Crumbless bred and the dangers of space food. It’s like if you open up a bag of cheetos the wrong way and it bursts open and all the cheetos fly around the space cabin getting orange cheese powder on the instruments.

Finally the clown story. Very curios title but we don’t get to it this week, so it shall remain a mystery… forever!

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Giant Rubber Ducky: Episode 16

Sick of politics in your news? A giant rubber ducky is accused of being a counterfeit, and the manliest man mows his lawn in a tornado. This week Rygar is back and he’s brought a special guest: funny-man EZ. Offroad and Borg are also here as usual, as we reminisce of a simpler time, a time before irony, when sincerity still existed: the 1960s batman television show. Remember Bugles: snack or cereal? Is this another one of those Mandela effects?

We geek out a little on fonts, Run-DMC track suits, and we speculate about the common law of “First-ies”. This episode is in 3D sound (ambisonics and binaural audio). Listen as you normally would with normal speakers or headphones.

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Fake Artificial Intelligence: Episode 15

Robot Pizza Van – Now in 3D Audio! Just listen like you normally do on regular speakers or headphones. We’re using ambisonics (stereo is left-and-right, surround sound adds forward-and-back, ambisonics adds up-and-down) and binaural audio (takes the shape of your head into account?? Binaural audio is best experienced with headphones but still great on speakers).

Now you can pay a robot to callback the robots that call you. An AI called me on the phone to sell me something. It was a real life Turing test. Janelle Shane, used a neural network to come up with goofy names for paint colors based on input from Sherwin-Williams paint chips. The same neural network went on to create new names for 1980s action figures. We enumerate examples of real action figures including He Man, GI Joe, Evel Knievil, Charles Mingus?

Emotional singers don’t really want to sing but they can’t help it, that’s why the pained expression. A little slam poetry, and then an update on that speech synthesis engine. And finally, we close on the slow-motion scene of clowns, exiting a tiny car, followed by sheep (because they smell cotton candy).

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Ninja Shortage: Episode 14

Borg and Offroad discover a ninja shortage in Japan. There’s a huge tourist demand but there aren’t enough Ninjas in supply. Maybe it’s not a shortage, maybe they’re really good at Ninja-ing and no one can find them. We also learn about the dangers of clowning, mimes, robot dancers, Bozo of the clowns and SantaCon- where thousands of drunk guys do a Santa-clad pub-crawl. The remake of Stephen King’s “It” is scheduled for September 8th, 2017 which may explain some of the uptake in creepy clown sightings.

Then, 3d printed buildings. A big 3D printer drives around and can print a 50 foot dome building in 14 hours. Separately, a solar powered 3D printer that melts sand into glass sculpture. The solar printer is in the desert using the sun and the sand. Hey we should send some of these things to mars to build houses. And finally, police question a ventriloquist about what his dummy allegedly said.

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Theme song by Uncle Milk

Spin Cycle: Episode 13

We spend a bit of time watching a wash machine cycle (we review someone else’s review) and it’s actually one of the most fun I’ve had in a while. There’s suspense, heartache, thrills, and… cats! Here’s a little spoiler: 1600 RPMs!

Lyrebird is a startup with new speech synthesis technology. They can take a one minute recording of someone’s voice and use it to generate a key which can then be used to generate speech of that person saying anything you want. The company is giving it away for free?

Offroad mentions a theory that looting of stereo equipment during an LA riot helped rap/hip hop to grow. Actually, the theory is that this looting happened during a blackout in New York city in 1977. There is a caterpillar that eats plastic, on purpose. I think he likes it. There is also a quick (ha ha) story about particle accelerators. Look out for Future Shock – the idea and the Herbie Hancock song. Borg shows off his audio fading techniques (the fastest fade in the west).

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Translating Dolphin: Episode 12

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Picture the scene, a small goat climbs on your back while you do yoga. It’s real. It has been verified in the field. Rygar is not here today. Maybe next week (no probably not, but definitely soon). Donovan Leitch, what’s up with Donovan (musician from the sixties, not the lawyer). He’s alive and he’s on tour. We talk about him with no actual research and much speculation.

Soon (2021) artificial intelligence will be able to translate dolphin language. They already use it to translate dozens of human languages and just need to gather more dolphin data.

A rage room is a furnished room that you can smash. Use a baseball bat or get creative – smash one thing with another thing.

Juicero is a juicer. Its getting a reputation as an expensive ($120 million), ridiculous startup investment. The kicker is that you can save the $400 cost of the machine and squeeze the packets with your bare hands.

And really most important of all (to me) is that you write a review for the Robot Pizza Van on iTunes. Here’s a link to the show in the iTunes store were you can WRITE A REVIEW!
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If you already use iTunes then you probably know how to do this already, but if you don’t use iTunes, then I’ll understand if you don’t want to go through the whole process of getting an Apple ID and then writing a review. Then of course, I would also understand if you did.

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Cheese Sculpture And Other Food Oddities: Episode 11

Japan is facing a massive potato chip shortage. An artist has created a sculpture of Beyoncé… out of cheese (a lot of work just for the pun “Brie-oncé”). We also discover which bathroom stall(cubicle?) is the cleanest, statistically.

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Prosecco Nail Polish and an Asteroid City Skyline: Episode 10

Aaaaaah… the self-deprecating nineties. Well even if you weren’t alive yet you can still remember them, indirectly through sales-based nostalgia. We remember some of the things from the nineties like that song by Enigma that was in Tropic Thunder, and we couldn’t remember at the time but it was Suzanne Vega and her song 99.9F°. Elbows or knees? The truth or lies? We make some tough choices and we learn a little about ourselves along the way. For example, hats and the shiny stickers on the rim of said hats.

The first news story; Prosecco nail polish, the first edible nail polish… lick-able nail polish, it’s not edible, I learned the hard way. This product is somehow associated by Groupon and so there is the associated prestige and sophistication.
The second story is a Skyscraper that hangs from an earth-orbiting asteroid. Look out to the horizon and see the skyscraper hanging down from above… as it slowly drifts by. It would be like an upside-down city skyline. What if you had both the regular skyline and this upside-down skyline?
The third news story is about a $25,000 prize for the smelliest sneaker. There are different factors that are used to judge this contest. I don’t think they used any scientific instruments but instead rely on a judge’s subjective ‘judgment’. I could criticize the judge but I think he’s been through enough. We also learn some of the techniques that the contestants used to develop the shoe’s smell.

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Self Driving Cars and Sinister Smart Devices: Episode 9

Rygar and Borg take a turn reading the news stories, we’ll see how they like the pressure! The first story is about a ‘smart garage’ owner who complained about his “garadget” smart device, so the company had it disabled.

The second story is about an invention for self-driving cars: ‘pedestrian flypaper’ mounted on the hood of the car. This way if the car hits someone, they’ll stick! Besides this we touch upon yoga, deserted boats in the bay, Uber and someone touches upon something hot and burns their finger.

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Music by Uncle Milk
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